Lelaki dan Gua

Perempuan harus faham apabila lelaki marah atau menghadapi tekanan dia akan berhenti bercakap dan masuk ke dalam ‘gua’nya. Perempuan juga perlu faham bahawa tiada siapa yang dibenarkan masuk ke dalam gua itu, walau kawan baik lelaki itu sekalipun. Lelaki akan keluar apabila dia sudah bersedia dan semuanya akan kembali seperti biasa.

Perkara ini sukar difahami perempuan kerana bagi perempuan dia perlu memberi pertolongan dan menunjukkan kasih sayang. Dia juga mahu bertanya bermacam-macam soalan tentang perasaan lelaki itu. Dia mau menjadi pendengar yang baik kepada pasangannya.

“Abang/Yang/Ling , kenapa ni? Apa masalahnya? Beritahulah saya.”

“Abang/Yang/Ling, marilah kita bincang tentang apa yang merunsingkan Abang/Yang/Ling."

“Abang/Yang/Ling! Kenapa tak mahu bercakap dengan saya? Apa salah saya?”

Jika perempuan berterusan begini, ini akan lebih memberi tekanan kepada lelaki. Lebih-lebih lagi sekiranya dia masuk kedalam gua kerana perselisihan dengan pasangannya itu.

Why Men Go into Their Caves

1. He needs to think about a problem and find a practical solution to the problem.

2. He doesn’t have an answer to a question or a problem. Men were never taught to say “Gee, I don’t have an answer. I need to go into my cave and find one.” Other men assume he is doing just that when he becomes quiet.

3. He has become upset and stressed. At such times he needs to be alone to cool off and find his control again. He doesn’t want to do or say anything he might regret.

4. He needs to find himself. This fourth reason becomes very important when men are in love. At times they begin to lose and forget themselves. They can feel that too much intimacy robs them of their power. They need to regulate how close they get. Whenever they get too close so as to lose themselves, alarm bells go off and they are on their way into the cave. As a result they are rejuvenated and find their loving and powerful self again.

Reference: Gray, J. (1998) Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, New York: HarperCollinsPublishers Inc.


Jika mahu belajar tentang perbezaan cara-cara berkomunikasi antara lelaki dan perempuan kenalah beli buku ini. Saya petik sedikit sahaja. Nanti kena saman pula. Ini kira iklan percumalah buat penulis. Ngeh.